1. new run of third shifts

Starting this shit again. I need to find crafty stuff that I can do at work.
Last night I passed out at around 3. I woke up looking like a guy that crashed while skiing. Total taco neck.
I've been listening to a lot of podcasts. I wish I was more into my DSi.
Ttyll

Totally awake

Yesterday was Rach's birthday. We both took the day off and chilled/ran errands. I took her to Greenland Cafe for dinner.
We'd been to Greenland before and although we had mixed feelings about our lunches I had more of a problem with the way management was treating the waitstaff than what was on my plate.
This time we ordered tapas type stuff and everything was delicious. Its fun eating like that. The waiter only brings out a couple plates at a time and you get to sample more of the menu than you would just ordering entrees.
Everything was super good and I have to try hard to find any negatives. Quick breakdown: cold marinated portabella, edamame, scallops, jerk chicken wings, fries.
Normally I steer clear of marinated mushrooms but I figured to go for it and wasn't disappointed. They were very flavorful, firm and not slimy. The soy beans came in the shell, obviously, and had a little bit of super tasty sea salt on them. The scallops were perfectly seared and rested on a thick slice of, not bacon, but something closely related on top of a very light shallot puree. When the wings hit the table you could instantly smell rosemary, awesome. I grew up with a rosemary obsessed mother and she passed that trait on to me. The sauce was just spicy enough and the rosemary came all the way through but didn't over power.
I only have two criticisms. 1) The wings were very juicy. I prefer a more well done, temp wise, chicken wing. Then I will sauce with reckless abandon. That is strictly my personal preference though. 2) The fries were good, seasoned well, better than at a lot of places. Skin on is the way to go and Greenland went there. They were just on the oily/floppy side. It shouldn't be tough to get a good crisp on thin cut fries.
I had one bottled pilsner that was good but I don't remember the name. Rach had two cocktails, one of which was really nice and the other was probably the best drink they have in the whole place. Dirty Sexy Dirty: dirty gin martini (it used to be made with Belvedere but I suspect they changed it after I ordered it with gin a few months ago ;-) with lemon juice and gorgonzola stuffed olives. holy crap.
Overall the meal was a success. I give it a high 9 out of 10.

4:14AM

I just woke up feeling totally confused. My wife is not in the bed.  Its not totally dark in here. I had to get up and turn the light on to find my glasses. My phone wasn't next to the bed.
The kitchen night light is on. I walked in to the living room and Rach is asleep on the couch, peacefully. I kissed her firmly on the lips, she did not stir.
Last night and for the better part of yesterday I didn't feel well. It was like I was on the verge of throwing up the whole time.
We've both been having trouble sleeping lately.
I've been having interesting dreams. Yesterday I dreamt I was touring a chocolate covered almond factory. A couple nights ago I had some kind of fugitive dream where I swam a shortcut from New Jersey to Salem on a tip from the owner of a sub shop with a pretty daughter.
Just now though, when I woke up in a haze, I don't think I was dreaming.
It felt like I'd slept through something. Like I had been expected to be someplace but fell asleep.
I'm not sure why Rach is on the couch. Lately, but not every night we've been taking turns sleeping out there. If I can't sleep I go to the couch and inevitably fall asleep. I feel like if i'm laying in bed awake I must be keeping her awake. I know that's not the case but if prefer to avoid it. Rach does the same thing for me. I love my wife with all my heart. I seriously hope she isn't out there because I was sleeping like wriggly asshole.

I'm too fucking fat

I'm at Beverly Hospital waiting for my Dad. I'm sad for him. He is having a tube inserted into his chest for the administration of chemo therapy. Earlier today he had his first radiation treatment. Chemo starts on Friday. What a pain in the ass.

12

I'm back at work tonight. I took a vacation day last week so I could have a long weekend.

At 10AM I have to take my Dad to the cancer center. I don't know if its just going to be the initial consultation or if they are actually going to give him radiation. I'm scared for him. I feel very sad that he has to go through all this. I'm not freaking out because by father has cancer though. I more feel bad cause he has to deal with it. I know he must be scared too. Especially since surgery was a bust. He has to live with what's basically a death sentence. Radiation and chemo don't actually cure cancer. Maybe after the treatments, if the tumor is smaller, surgery will become an option again.

"Kiss The Girls" by Print Mafia

Wtf is going on? My wife is freaking out. I wanted to get some water and it upset her. I wanted to find my phone and it upset her. I think in the dead of sleep I grabbed her. I honestly don't know what happened. The waters have calmed. I feel awful cause my wife is upset and it is my fault. Something happened. Something is up.
So, back to the start of this. She had every right to freak out. I think I got a littler violent in my sleep. I am upset with myself. Neither of us will be falling asleep any time soon.  I'm sorry this happened.
I went out after we got to the hotel. Rach has been having a bad allergy day. I went to the Daniel st. bar and karaoke was wrapping so I left. There is a place right near there that I went to next. Oh der cause I have no clue what the place is called. 
Side note - The Red Door looked like cat piss housing on the way in but opened up to a killer space.
     I'm sorry my wife has been having a bad allergy day. I know there is nothing I can do about it but if there was I would do it a million times.

2

Yeah DST! I just won 8 hours of pay for working 7. Suck it every other day of the year!

1

Every person I see I want to yell, "fuck off" to. They can't hear/see me but I do it anyway.

     I've been wearing 2 pairs of pants all day. Long johns and sweatpants. Later, long johns and jeans. I don't feel particularly cold.
     Yesterday, work stressed me out. This does not happen often. I have a specific stressor. I was frustrated with it. Later that night I told Rach I had been stressed at work and the feeling came back. Its anxiety. Rach felt it pouring out of me like it was drenching her. I focused on her and I quickly felt better.
      Like last night I can usually snap myself out of it. Most times it isn't even anxiety. I get a fleeting tremble like I'm going to cry. It happens a lot when I'm watching tv by myself. But when I do feel seriously anxious, which is not very often, all I need to do is change my focus to feel better. I only have two instances where I felt like I was panicking.
      The last time was at work a few months ago. (It comes with an urge to self medicate. As if a pill would instantly make a person feel better. I know for a fact that its the idea of it that actually makes me feel better.) I was in the middle of a project, I was dealing with normal day to day stuff that was occurring faster than normal and work being done by somebody else in a totally different part of the building was invading my personal space. I had to get out of there. I left my room. I ate some chill out mints. I took a walk around and felt better quickly.
      The first time, I was in my car. I was on the hunt for the anti allergen variety of a fabric freshener. At least an hour had been spent going from store to store with no luck at all. I know I ended up with the intended product in my home but I have no memory of buying it. I was hitting every light and I decided the guy in front of me was an effing moron and I peaked. I was in my car with no place to go or even pull over. I called my doctors office hoping to get in there for the antidote. To my horror (actually relief), they were booked. By the time I got off the phone, then into my apartment with the dog I felt mostly better. It went away because I sort of forgot I had a problem in the first place.
     I'm still wearing two pairs of pant. It has been over 24 hours. I even showered and put them back on. Long johns is not a euphemism for something. I've taken them off now.  I don't have a weird thing where I wear them every day. I don't have a secret union suit tucked away that I wear during full moons. (That would actually be pretty funny.)  I guess I talked them into something that comforted me today.  I've never done that before. I don't imagine it will be something I do again. Somehow rationalizing it made me feel like I was about to puke. I generally have a warm lower half.

     I thought of a 3rd. I couldn't find the chinese food menu. I thought my head/heart were going to explode. Then I found it under the futon.